You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
