i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
