I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
