I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I looked at my own cervix.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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