Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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