I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
