i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
