So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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