The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
