I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
