a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!