Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think your dad took our porno
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.