So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.