life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?