Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
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You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..