I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i've created a new STD.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy