you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
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No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.