I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
