Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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