Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
