I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
