so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
