i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
