It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
just tell him i said nine months
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
