I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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