I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Come see our sink grown plant.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Randomize
