He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
