Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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