cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
