I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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