I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.