i think my tv is drunk
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.