he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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