I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
