I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
