i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
