Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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