so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
