you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
