Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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