Kiss
Puke
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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