At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
