How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
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