He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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