fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My vagina just recognized that song.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
