She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
