I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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