I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
