Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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