Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
