Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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