so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
