They should really pass out barf bags in church
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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