I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
True strength comes from lack of pants
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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