if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
