It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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