Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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