if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
