Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
