I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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