It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
