I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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