stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
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We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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