Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
