Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I think i peed on brittanys purse
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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