I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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