my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize