ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
